← Previous Chapter - Derek: Just Trying to Get By
I dread Mondays. I know we all do, but I consider myself in a special class. I literally stay up all night on Sunday night psyching myself up for my thankless job where I get zero appreciation and am in no position to help anyone though everyone seems to think I am because they all come to me with their problems.
I'm basically the office therapist/Steve Jobs of my company. I know that sounds like a weird hybrid given that Steve Jobs was rumored to be an asshole personally and professionally, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm part business wunderkind mixed with Mother Teresa + Gandhi.
In fact, way back when I did the Myer-Briggs (MBTI) personality test back because I was trying to figure out why I was so atypical for a Marketing/sales professional, I discovered that my personality type (ISFJ) is the same as Mother Teresa's and Kate Middleton. And we all know that she has to be a saint to deal with that royal mess of a family.
I'm an introvert which means that basically everyone who isn't me but in my sphere is pretty much an energy vampire because I get my energy refilled by being alone. I'm good at sensing things which apparently translate to me having a whole lot of feels and then all that gets squeezed out in the form of judgement. Oh yeah, and I'm a marketing professional. On some level, God must be laughing right about now, or at least my mother (may she rest in peace), that her "shy, timid little girl" who spent too much time observing and not enough time engaging somehow grew up to work in an industry with a lot of louder, type A, "confident" personalities and learned how to swim with the sharks, even if she can't get promoted to save her life.
So on the surface, I'm a sensitive, warm, kind individual. Deep down though I've sold my soul working in a corporate, incestuous environment with people who want to be Steve Jobs. They go to big conferences and get asked to be on panels and talk the big talk to convince everyone there that they are relevant and use my company's money to do so. Meanwhile I stay here and do all the work. I like working, don't me wrong and I'm good at bringing teams together, fiercely meeting a deadline and executing on a plan like nobody's business. Even when that plan involves 4 agencies (in house and external) weighing in.
I get off on being appreciated and my boss totally uses this to his advantage. Affirmation, feeling apart of something bigger, and achieving are all drugs for me. That last one, especially, but it's not actual achieving if it's not paired with recognition in my mind. It's the old adage, if a tree falls in the forest and no one actually hears it, did it really happen? No, it most definitely did not.
So when Derek came to me with this new, pressure-cooker assignment that promised access to multiple directors at my Fortune 10 company, I couldn't say no. First off, you can't really say "no" to your boss. You can redirect or deflect by steering convo in another direction, but with Derek, he pretty much gets what he wants. Plus, I'm not great at dealing with conflict, so I tend to just go with the flow after a while, especially if I've raised objections and I don't see them go anywhere. Derek gets off on that aspect though - the part of me that will say, "Wait, what about x, y, z" or "How come we aren't doing a, b, c, instead?" or "We did this 2 years ago with the old leadership and it's same issue, different players.." You get the dialogue and the dance here. It's part of the game, between Derek and I.
So here I am having to forfeit any chance of a holiday break - the one where I was supposed to travel to Israel for some rest and relaxation and if I'm being honest to self medicate by loading up on my drug of choice: carbs. I was also hoping to start to actually initiate that whole "engage with life" mantra where maybe I start living my life a bit more - take part in drunken-fueled orgies, all night raves, or at the very least, settling on ordering room service for breakfast after a hot love affair with a dark and handsome stranger, but instead...
"This is important," I tell myself. " I'll get recognition and that promotion that I've been working for." Yeah, that's what I tell myself anyways.
Isn't it time I lean in and let myself be the Sheryl Sandberg model of she-suite exec I was destined to be? Somewhere in heaven my mom is bragging to Audrey Hepburn (they have drinks together every Friday btw) about her bright, sweet, ugly duckling daughter that grew up to be a bad a*s black swan.
Slight aside: Ok, so I'm sorta obsessed with the 2010 movie Black Swan with Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman where Portman earns "the coveted" prima ballerina part, but mentally sorta loses her mind when Kunis' character emerges as the young ingenue effectively replacing her but then also makes out with her in a really hot scene but maybe not, because Kunis and Portman might actually be the same person. They duke it out for the role and Portman's Swan characters goes dark. It's unnerving but you can't stop watching.
Point being, competition is fierce, Jewish broads are tough (as exhibited by Portman and Kunis) and are hot, and getting to the top takes grit and stamina, not to mention some semblance of emotional well-being. Or not.
I'm not however a prima ballerina. Not even close.
My job is all about getting people to click on offers and banners and increase top of the funnel visits. The value of what I bring to the table comes down to clicks, people.
Next Chapter - Derek: Current Vibe #bada**dude
Gawd I hate funnels.